Learn: Active listening
Listening is an essential communication skill.
When we listen, we show respect to another person and we can deepen a relationship. Listening enables us to learn something new, hear new ideas and challenge our own perspectives and views. It is also the avenue for hearing others' interests, which gives us the opportunity to understand people and work effectively with them.
But our brain's many activities often get in the way.
Problem solving
The brain loves to solve problems. We get a nice dose of dopamine when we do.
Every time we solve a problem, it strengthens problem solving neural pathways which means many of us have some strong problem-solver habits.
But not all conversations are about problem solving. Sometimes we listen for a problem and there wasn't a problem to begin with.
Relating
It is very common that as we listen to someone, we will recognise the experience as similar to one we've had before. This can be a means to relate and build rapport.
But then we will tend to listen for how their experience is the same as ours, rather than listening for what is new, unique or interesting for them. We might think that we kno
It is very common that as we listen to someone, we will recognise the experience as similar to one we've had before. This can be a means to relate and build rapport.
But then we will tend to listen for how their experience is the same as ours, rather than listening for what is new, unique or interesting for them. We might think that we know how they feel or what they experienced. But we do not. We only know our experience in a similar situation.
Waiting to respond
Someone is telling you about a project. There was something that caught your attention and you wanted to ask about it. From that moment, you started thinking about the question you wanted to ask. Because you are focusing on that, you are no longer listening.
The conscious mind can only focus on one thing at a time. We need to ask ourselves
Someone is telling you about a project. There was something that caught your attention and you wanted to ask about it. From that moment, you started thinking about the question you wanted to ask. Because you are focusing on that, you are no longer listening.
The conscious mind can only focus on one thing at a time. We need to ask ourselves, will we focus on our own interests or the other person and what they have to say?
Focusing on details
As humans, we are designed to absorb stories. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans used stories and an oral tradition as a means to teach and learn. So, the brain has been designed for this tradition.
When we relate to a story, we get hungry for details - for our own interest. As we focus on and ask about our own interests, it may be
As humans, we are designed to absorb stories. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans used stories and an oral tradition as a means to teach and learn. So, the brain has been designed for this tradition.
When we relate to a story, we get hungry for details - for our own interest. As we focus on and ask about our own interests, it may be a distraction from what the other person wants to tell us.
Forming pictures
As we listen, the brain will naturally form pictures and images in our mind.
These pictures might be reminders of our own experiences from the past. Or they might be new ideas. In either case, if we begin to focus on our own pictures, we stop listening. Our attention is on our own past or an imagined future and we miss the opportunity to b
As we listen, the brain will naturally form pictures and images in our mind.
These pictures might be reminders of our own experiences from the past. Or they might be new ideas. In either case, if we begin to focus on our own pictures, we stop listening. Our attention is on our own past or an imagined future and we miss the opportunity to be present and curious about the other person and their experience.
Judging
The brain is a judgement machine. It is always working to classify our experiences as "good" or "bad", as it tries to help us make wise choices.
Unfortunately, the brain applies our own measures of “good” and “bad” to someone else and their experience, thoughts or ideas. As we judge, we distort our ability to listen, especially if the idea
The brain is a judgement machine. It is always working to classify our experiences as "good" or "bad", as it tries to help us make wise choices.
Unfortunately, the brain applies our own measures of “good” and “bad” to someone else and their experience, thoughts or ideas. As we judge, we distort our ability to listen, especially if the ideas are quite different from our own.
And, as we judge their experience or ideas, this can also lead to judgements and biases about the person, not just their ideas.