Tool: Feel, Know, Do

This is a tool that is particularly useful for the Education style of communication, where you are sharing information with others in a one-way format with the spirit of collaboration.

This might be sharing information, knowledge or expertise, or giving a brief or assigning people projects. It is collaborative in the sense that you are on the same side; sharing information for their benefit, rather than competing with them.

A model called Feel, Know, Do will give you a structure to follow to make these conversations impactful. It is about deciding ahead of time what you want the other person to feel, know and do, so you can show up to the conversation ready to make that happen.

FEEL

As we know, humans are emotional creatures and our behaviours are driven largely by our emotions. If you have ever chosen not to do your best work because you did not like the person asking or the way they asked, your work has been driven by your emotion. So, like it or not, if we want to educate or advise others, we need to appease their emotional brain to some extent.

To do this, you need to focus on both what you say and how you say it. Both of these will contribute to the emotional responses that the other person has.

The single source of both your emotions and your language is your underlying mindset.

For example, a critical mindset will likely lead to limbic threat reactions, while a positive mindset is more likely to create trust, motivation and action. See the below mindsets to see the impact it is likely to have.

Positivity-focused mindset

With a positive and possibility focused mindset, your energy will be enthusiastic; you will more easily find words that lead to motivation and inspiration in others.

Critical and judgemental mindset

If your mindset is critical and judgemental, you are more likely to sound critical and use harsh words. These are likely to generate limbic reactions in others which will keep them from hearing you fully; you will be less likely to get the response you want.

Emergency mindset

If you believe there is an emergency, you will want others to move quickly. With urgency in your voice, you can create an adrenaline response and fast action in others. This might be exactly what is needed in the moment.

Curious mindset

If you are truly curious (without the edge of judgement), you will be better able to ask about the source of problems without people getting defensive.

Concern mindset

With a mindset of concern for the other person and a desire to see them grow, you will be more at ease when training them or offering advice, which will make it easier for them to hear you and learn.

KNOW

Recall our work about listening and attention: we have a very limited attention span and the brain is doing all kinds of things when we try to listen. This is also true for people you are trying to communicate to. It will be up to you to manage their attention, if you want to successfully convey a message to them. But it is not always that easy.

If you have ever over-talked when delivering a message that makes you uncomfortable, or embellished to make a message a bit more interesting, you may have given people more than they need to know.

An impactful message is one that will cut through the brain's noise and short attention span. See the below to find how to create an impactful message.

Be concise

Given the action you want people to take, what information do they absolutely need to know? Too much will send their attention in different directions; too little information may not grab their attention at all.

Be concise and stick to essentials; planning ahead will be helpful.

Tailor the message

Communication is not one size fits all. Tailor your message to the individual or group; share what you think this person needs to know rather than what you are interested in sharing.

Create obvious links

You cannot assume that the other person is giving you their full focus. To avoid misunderstanding or confusion, create obvious links between different pieces of information.

DO

What do you want people to do with the information you give them?

Usually we share something because we want people to take some action. It is easy to assume that the information itself will lead to a specific action, but people will make their own assumptions about what is important and their brain will point their attention if you do not. So get clear with yourself first: why are you providing this information? What do you want people to do with it?

This step in the model is about creating a call to action - a straight-forward request for what you want people to do.

Make a clear call to action that is specific, short and clear, with steps they can follow. See the difference between 'Know' and 'Do'.

Put it into practice

Think about a conversation you have coming up. It could be anything from a conversation with a customer to a meeting with some peers or a 1-on-1 development conversation.

You're going to use Feel, Know, Do to prepare for the conversation.

Take notes.

Step 1

We're going to begin with the end in mind.

What do you want the other person/people to DO as a result of your conversation? Make it a clear and specific request.

Step 2

What information do they need to KNOW so they can understand why you are asking them to take this action?

What else would they want/need to know?

Step 3

What do you want them to FEEL in this interaction, so that they will be compelled to take action?

Step 4

What mindset do you need to adopt so you will have the best chance of creating those feelings in the other person/people?